Superhero Girlfriends Part 3: Betty Banner, My Dysfunctional Ex-Girlfriend

Hey folks what’s the latest with y’all. I was reading some past issues of The Incredible Hulk & thought about the relationship dynamic of Bruce & Betty (Ross) Banner. As you know Bruce turns into the Hulk whenever he’s angry. Betty is his consoling woman that is one of the few people who can calm him down in his Hulk brute form. So after years of seeing him rage out, she’s finally decided to say “F–k You Bruce!!!” So let’s examine my opinion of Betty Banner The Dysfunctional Ex-Girlfriend.

For the most part Betty is a supportive lady, her father is a decorated 4 star general of the U.S. Army named Thaddeus “Thunderbolt” Ross. She’s known hardcore military structure throughout her young life. So you wonder why would she get with a softy like Bruce Banner. As a youngster I’m guessing she rebelled against her father by dating Bruce, A man who didn’t at all reflect military structure, yet was a certified genius. However there was a military man that caught her eye, his name Major Glenn Talbot. Both Bruce & Glenn were pursuing Betty at the same time. However her father Gen. Ross didn’t approve of Bruce & backed Glenn. Betty’s response was to go opposite of her father’s wishes & next thing you know Bruce is in there. Now what isn’t expected is when Bruce becomes the Hulk after he saves a teen from getting hit by energy from a gamma bomb. This event defines their relationship cause it literally makes Bruce into 2 different people. So while one side of him is this intelligent, calm, & timid guy. The other is this wild, angry, & dangerous man who is being hunted by Betty’s own father nonetheless. I think she became fascinated with Bruce more because of this duality & the level of danger he brings is quite exciting. However there’s another factor Betty is also quite scared of Bruce too. Remember she can’t get flip off at the mouth & piss him off. Remember just him getting a bit angry might wreck a town or two. Bruce could literally kill her by accident & not feel guilty until he turned back human. So now the residual anger & resentment kick in but she has to accept the choice she made of being with Bruce.

As their relationship goes through various phases from her being Harpy (a gamma-radiated monster created by the villain The Leader), to the Hulk & Bruce being separated, & the arrival of multiple personalities such as Mr. Fixit. It tested their relationship, Betty even married Glenn Talbot after publicly Bruce was revealed to be the Hulk. (Don’t sleep on Bruce though, he went to the Microverse & got with a green princess named Jarella, pimpin’ for real.) Glenn Talbot was later killed, when he tried to kill Bruce. However I think she decided to deal with Banner again because she got used to the effects of his condition & the fact that every day there was a danger. Being Talbot’s wife wouldn’t guarantee any type of true excitement. Remember she’s spent years being Bruce Banner’s girlfriend & the object of Hulk’s desire. The Hulk would the majority of the time would either get into a fight or have to rescue Betty. How is she supposed to go back to a normal life after years of craziness. So she may suffer from some form of “Stockholm Syndrome” or truly love bad boys. Therefore she’s gotten used to the dysfunction in her relationship & now this is “normal” The funny thing is that after Bruce gets some psychological help from Doc Samson, he is actually able to create a somewhat “stable” relationship Unfortunately this wouldn’t last too long.

After years of being around various gamma-radiated folks, Betty became ill from all of the exposure. So here’s the “final insult” from supporting your man. After all the battles, transformations, & near death experiences Bruce can’t help her. The ultimate insult is that one of Bruce’s enemies The Abomination learns of her illness & manages to poison Betty with is irradiated blood while she’s in a hospital. She is reported dead (but in comics no one stays dead, trust.) In the meantime of her death Bruce goes through a whole bunch of problems from being transported off Earth by fellow superheroes to being on a war-torn planet, & becoming it’s king. He even ends up having 2 kids, & declaring war on Earth particularly the superheroes that sent him off-world. Betty ends up coming back through the super villains The Leader & M.O.D.O.K. as the Red She-Hulk, yeah as f–ked up as that sounds she’s back. Just like a spiteful ex-girlfriend you haven’t seen in a while, how do you think she feels after seeing Bruce all the years, She hits him in the face, BAM! POW!, WHACK! I’m guessing all that residual anger decided to come back & say hello. Even one of Bruce’s sons Skaar (whom he has another dysfunctional relationship with) looks on & says “Damn, pops what did you do to this chick for her to hate you?” At first Bruce didn’t know it was Betty & was ready to beat her, but after finding out who she was he wants to work it out. Betty at this time didn’t care for Bruce for 2 reasons: 1. He got some chick off-world pregnant 2. She thought her ex Glenn Talbot was back in her life (later revealed to be an android) So she could really care less for Bruce & now she has the ability to fight Bruce on an even plane. So there’s no reason to really work things out.

Bruce is still trying to make things work, cause this is what he’s used to. He thinks Betty rode it out for so long before, but now things are different. When she just had to accept what it is, he was comfortable with that. She’s done with being the troubled maiden, but her Red She-Hulk form showed some inner issues that she has. I think the dysfunction in her relationship with the men in her life took a toll & now is manifesting. She enjoys releasing the rage in her form (this could be the anger she’s had since a child or when she was dating Bruce in the early years of his Hulk condition).

So fellas what have we learned, if a relationship starts in recklessness it will end in recklessness. Betty could’ve left long ago. This however would have proved her father right, so she decided to “cut off her nose, to spite her face” by staying in this very dysfunctional relationship. Now that she’s got a new body, she’s trying to get back on the market & see what’s out there. But what dudes you know that would date a chick that could kill them if she has an aggressive orgasm. I’m not, f*ck that. Ladies reading I hope y’all understand that patience in dysfunction will only get you in trouble or worse, KILLED.

Politik Logik is a contributor to Geek Mode and this article as well as his other postings can be found on his blogspot “The Logik Thesis Papers”